defining moments
Wednesday, October 8 at 1:46 a.m.
Dear AC,

How are you? I am doing well. I hope your family is also well.

I am still perplexed as to why you insist on referring to yourself as "AntiChris". Why would you want to be against anyone? But why of all people would you want to be against Chris? Chris is what you should strive to emulate. Chris is what people refer to when they say "Be the Best You Can Be". I could wax eloquent on the many virtues of Chris, but I won't; I'm quite sure that you are well aware of them all.

[Ed Note: Maybe he just can't think of any virtues at all, eh? And sweet saramma, he's so arrogant.]

Whatever the case, learn to enjoy the place you're in right now. Kismet has brought you here; fate is on your side.

[Ed Note: This guy is an ass. Why can't he just say that kismet means fate in Turkish?]

Unfortunately, I do not understand what the stairs have to do with Tudors. The lip is not large enough to facilitate entry into the car, is it? Whatever the case may be, it is not really important.

[Ed Note: Lies, Lies, Lies. You know he really wants to know.]

I too have a friend studying in Newfoundland. We were also speaking about hair, but more in the line of what the fair sex does with it. Is it true that when girls toss/play with their hair, they do it to get your attention?

[Ed Note: What a loser. Obviously never happened to him. Maybe some of the ladies who read this would deign to answer that question. All you blushing brides out there, is that what you did to get your smitten kittens' attention?]

That bit of advice sounds like something one would read in a publication like Maxim or Cosmo. That is why I always say "Reader Beware".

[Ed Note: Sheesh. "Caveat Lector" means "reader beware" and along the same lines, "Caveat Emptor" means "Buyer Beware". And how does he know what’s in those mags?]

AC, Are you a loyal Tim Horton's coffee drinker? Even though they are now owned by Wendy's? Why is Tim's so popular anyway? It's offerings are not particularly better than that of any other establishment. However, I have heard it said that its coffee is worthy of the gods. That's going a bit far. I think Tim's is popular because it always tastes very much the same - a double double in Vancouver will taste very similar to a double double in St. John's.

Please do not attempt to frighten me with your references to our forthcoming football game. First of all, I may not attend. And even if I do come and you run, run, as fast as you can, you can't catch me I'm the... er... mud.

[Ed Note: So lame. Someone get this guy some wit.]

"Why are our soldiers in Afghanistan?" You ask? I have been asking Mr. McCallum the same thing repeatedly. He refused to answer any of my calls, but sent me a letter. All that was inside was a paper that said "Restraining Order". Oh well, I'll try again tomorrow and let you know that he says.

[Ed Note: Groan with me now.]

Finally AC, I found it most amusing that you ended by saying "Mud and I" and "man-to-boy". Guess what that makes me? Now don't be sneaky and go and edit your post.

Digitally Yours,